Take Me Out to the Ball Game...(and then please explain what the heck is going on...)

This post might sound cynical or overly sarcastic, but I promise that (most of) what I’m saying here is genuine. 

And on that note:  Can someone explain sports to me?

I mean really.  Can someone please explain them?  I understand the physical activity part.  Sports are a good workout and provide you with a goal outside of just trying to be fit.  I have also heard that they can be fun and provide a sense of community.  But outside of those easy-to-grasp aspects, I absolutely don’t understand sports. 

One of the questions I constantly struggle with is why they are interesting to watch.  Now, as someone who attended many youth association soccer games and found the nearby monkey bars much more entertaining, I just never really understood the appeal in sports viewership.  (The one exception I have to this is gymnastics- never ceases to amaze me).  But why do people enjoy watching sports?  I know when I when I watch things for the purpose of entertainment, whether it be a live performance or something on TV, I am usually intrigued by the story.  That’s what holds the entertainment value for me.  So where’s the story in sports?  Is the interest in the competition or displays of masculinity?  Keep in mind I’m really looking for the answers to these questions, this isn’t a list of rhetorical questions from a sports cynic.

Beyond just sports viewership, I also don’t really understand the regional attachment (aka obsession) and pride for sports teams.  For example, the Boston Bruins just won the (hold on while I Google the name of the hockey world series…) Stanley Cup, and everyone in this Boston-ish neck of the woods is pretty excited about that.  Although I’m not sure why.  I mean, more than half of the people on that hockey team were probably from Canada anyway.  So the pride and excitement is not because locals achieved something cool (like winning a trophy…), which would be my only guess and now I’m left just as confused as ever.  Why did everyone in New England freak out in 2004 and 2007 when the Red Sox won the World Series?  Did it mean something to them?  I mean, fans don’t do anything.  Cheering doesn’t help anyone win…so where does the sense of pride come from?

Please, I beg of sports fans everywhere- explain to me why sports are entertaining, and why fans feel proud when teams that they root for win…because I’m as lost as the Celtics in the Super Bowl…

(Me with a football trophy I didn't earn at all- I may not get sports, but I totally get trophies)