Saturday, October 22, 2011

Fictional Tweets


What some fictional characters might have said had they access to the great social network of twitter...


@kansasgurl; the road is yellow.  and that’s about as normal as it gets here… #newbfisscarecrow

@downtherabbithole: idk what that caterpillar was smoking, but there’s no way this is real life…

@cinders24-7: has anyone found a slipper?  glass?  size 7 ½? #shouldhavewornflats

@brains&beauty: apparently instead of books or heat, castles just have dancing dinnerware… #whoknew

@blondieintwr: need rope or ladder.  bad headache.

@luvlostboyz: listen @foreveryoung, everyone has to grow up sometime #getoverit

@daddyslilprincess: yummy royal feast with @beckster - who says it’s just an attic?

@callmescout: i knew nothing good would come from dressing up like a ham… #longnight

@matilda: i can officially move things with my eyes. #testme #dareyou #waittilyouseemyprincipal

@redhoodie: met a wolf transvestite today…yep, it was as weird as it sounds #truestory #dressedlikegranny

@halfpint: i feel like moving from a house made of trees to a house made of dirt is a bit of a downgrade… #reallyparents? #sodhouses #prairiessuck

@lilmissmarch: sorry @laurie…I just don’t feel the same way… #awkward #bffproposals #sorryboutit

Friday, October 7, 2011

The Office: "The Lotto" Recap


“The Lotto” - not a very ensemble-heavy episode, focusing mostly on the struggle between Andy and Darryl, and the adventures of a few office workers in the warehouse.  This episode gets a little serious, as Darryl mopes around, discontent with the direction his life has taken.  And although not everyone is given a lot of screen time in this episode, almost everyone has a great one-liner/talking head, from Toby’s “Flenderson Files,” to Angela continuing the pregnancy rivalry and estimating Pam’s new baby will weigh 14 pounds.  Overall a good episode with a little too much of the A storyline and few great standout moments.
Grade: B

Señor Loadenstein in action

RECAP (Warning: Contains Will Spoil. Read With Caution)
This weeks The Office starts with a solid stand alone cold open, with some members of the office taking a stand for animals rights. Well, kind of.  The Dunder Mifflin employees find a dog left in a car in the parking lot, and try to save it.  Dwight is the first who feels the call to action, and dumps his milkshake into the car through the sunroof in order to provide sustenance and hydration.  Surprisingly, the dog doesn’t seem that interested by the shake.  Oscar really takes charge of the situation- furious at the car owner and dog owner, he smashes the window of the car.  Although when Jim reminds him that someone has to take the dog, otherwise it will jump out the open window, Oscar makes a brand new plan.  It involves taping cardboard over the broken window and poking holes in it.  Everyone is satisfied with the plan (that leaves the dog in just about the same situation) and heads inside.  Oh, except for Kevin who went to sit in his car to test how long it would take for the dog to die.  And is still sitting there, passed out against the horn.
So, to the main focus of the episode- the warehouse crew won the lottery and quit.  This means a couple of things: everyone’s imagining what they would do with the money, Darryl’s in a bad place because he’s no longer in the warehouse pool…and there are no warehouse workers.  Up in the office everyone talks about what they would do with the money (instead of working, you know, to actually make money…).  Jim has a fantasy of building a little house in Maine, and living a simple life.  Pam’s fantasy is a little different, involving living in a city to get inspiration for her art, and drinking flavored coffees that her husband brings to her out on her balcony.  Their “lotto dream” functions as the C storyline for the episode, ending with a compromise that sounds like something from a Dr. Seuss book.  In order to stop the lottery discussion Andy threatens to change his tone.  Literally.  And talk lower, like Mr. T.  Apparently his management tactic is to annoy his employees into working.  Who knows- it seemed to work with Michael Scott…
            Upon realizing that no one is going to be hired for the warehouse anytime soon, Andy sends down some office volunteers to get out a shipment to an important client of Phyllis’.  The team consists of Erin, Jim, Dwight (as soon as Jim boasts that he’s the strongest), and Kevin, who complains that he is always volunteered for everything.  They’re down there for most of the episode, trying to figure out the best way to move boxes after Dwight crashes the forklift.
            Meanwhile, up in the office Andy is struggling with Darryl.  Darryl has turned into the self-proclaimed “fat Darryl,” who eats tacos in his basement, alone, and who just wants to be fired.  The misfit team of Andy, who knows basically nothing about the warehouse (“Masters in Warehouse Sciences?”), and Darryl, who has spiraled into a not-winning-the-lottery/not-getting-a-promotion depression, try to hire new warehouse workers while one of the applicants eats Stanley’s lunch.  Andy finds some people on his own, the most jacked guy in Scranton, a PhD candidate studying blue-collar workers, and a random guy who doesn’t technically have a hearing problem.  Andy confronts Darryl about his lack of enthusiasm and he finally admits that he’s made about not getting made Regional Manager.  Darryl feels that he’s earned it and he wants Andy to give him his own job, which he refuses to do (apparently Darryl’s not as smooth a talker as Robert California who convinced Jo Bennett to do that exact same thing).  Andy reminds Darryl that he was promoted from the warehouse when he was taking initiative, and then he stopped doing that.
            One of the best moments in the episode comes right near the end, after Darryl finally snaps out of his funk and goes with Andy to check on the warehouse.  What he finds is a little unexpected.  Or at least, it would be unexpected if you didn’t know Kevin, Erin and Dwight.  Jim is also a part of the ridiculous hilarity, though he’s a little more hesitant to reveal “Señor Loadenstein” to Darryl and Andy.  This temporary warehouse crew figures out a new system of moving boxes (because they couldn’t find/work the correct machines).  This system is called Señor Loadenstein because, as Jim sheepishly admits,  “es muy rapido.”  It involves greasing the floor, lining the grease with boxes already destroyed by the grease, putting Erin on a makeshift wooden sled behind four boxes and having Dwight and Jim pull the contraption with ropes while running on the outside of the boxes.  Needless to say, Phyllis lost her client.
            The tag includes Jim and Pam’s final plan regarding their future lottery winnings.  It’s “city and country combined” and involves living in a brownstone at the top of a mountain, just a subway stop away from all the best museums in the world, and Jim could fish from Pam’s pottery studio.  And most importantly they could chat anytime they want, “just like now.”  Also, the schools are terrible, “but what are you gonna do about that?”

Quotes:
-       “Stop- I’m a barista in your fantasy?” (Jim) “Well in your fantasy we’re Steven King characters.” (Pam)
-       “I guess I would keep working.  And for my salary I’d take like, a dollar a year.  I mean, obviously I wouldn’t come in ‘til noon, and I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want to do…I mean I’m getting paid a dollar a year, you can chill.” -Kelly on what she would do if she won the lottery
-       “I did have a fantastic basement.  Now it smells like tacos.  You can’t air out a basement.  And taco air is heavy.  It settles at the lowest point.” -Darryl, who has settled about as low as taco air…
-       “I’ve never been lucky.  And I’m not talking about the lottery, I’m talking about developing a soy allergy at 35.  Who gets a soy allergy at 35?!  And why is soy in everything?” -Darryl still in a bad mental place
-       “You need to drop it, ok?  They hate it.  I like it a lot, but they hate it, so drop it.” -Erin gets really intense while trying to convince Kevin to drop his idea of buttering himself and sliding across the floor
-       “Hey, idiot, what did Erin want again?” (Dwight) “A…hot chocolate tea.” (Jim) -a subtle, but clear, indication of Erin’s quirkiness
-       “My future is not gonna be determined by seven little white lotto balls.  It’s gonna be determined by two big black balls.  I control my destiny.  I do.” - Darryl, finally getting it together

Fun Lil Tidbits:
-       Pam behind the receptionist desk again!  Although she was excited to move on from being the receptionist, it feels natural to see her back there.  As Ryan says, “Nice- right back where I like you.”
-       It was interesting to see Oscar’s talking head where he gushes over the most jacked guys in Scranton- one of the few times the show highlights the fact he’s gay.  What I learned from this?  Apparently if you fixate too much on your calves, your triceps go to hell.