Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Story of Bob the Crumb: A Collaborative Work

Every once in a while, there comes a story that just needs to be told.  The following is one of those stories.  Written with siblings and young cousins with varying degrees of involvement from plot development to suggesting the word "butt" numerous times, this story follows a young crumb and his adventures in the world.

The Story of Bob the Crumb
By: E, C, K, J & B


Once upon a time there was a crumb named Bob.  Well, he wasn’t always a crumb.  He used to be part of a granola bar.  A little oatmeal, a little honey, a little granola.  Bob had all of these.  One day, as Timmy, the owner of the granola bar, tried to eat it as a snack, Bob got scared and jumped off.  He hoped for a better future on the floor.  Little did he know the trials that lay ahead…
            Bob decided to walk and try to find some other crumbs and a safe place to stay.  After what felt like hours and hours of travelling, Bob finally came across other crumbs.  But why were they running?
            “The mouse!  The mouse!” they screamed.  “The mouse is coming!”
            “The what?” Bob asked.
            “The MOUSE!”
            Although he didn’t know who or what this “mouse” was, he decided that it was best to run.  Bob ran cross the floor until he spotted a hiding place, a small hole in the wall.  He sped toward it, please with his discovery.
            “This will be the perfect place for me to hide from the mouse.”
            Bob scurried inside and wondered why none of the other crumbs were following him.  Once he looked at his surrounding, however, he realized his safe haven wasn’t so safe after all.  He saw terrified crumbs huddled in the corner, staring at him with hi worried eyes.  Some were old, and some were no more than baby crumblets, but all were terrified.  Before he could leave, he heard the pitter patter of footsteps making their way to the hole in the wall.  Bob headed into a small dark corner of the cave.
            No sooner was he out of sight then the owner of the footsteps arrived at the entrance of the hole.  Although he had never laid eyes on the creature before, he knew without a doubt who the creature of the door was: the mouse.
            “Hello my darlings,” the mouse said in a devilish British accent, “Glad to see you decided to stick around.”
            The crumbs quivered at the sound of his voice and huddled closer together.  The crumblets whimpered.
            “I have good news and bad news.  The good news is I won’t eat you now.”
            One crumb let out a sigh of relief.
            “The bad news is that you will all be in my stomach within the hour!”
            The mouse laughed an evil, maniacal laugh and exited as quickly as he had come.
            Bob knew it was only mater of minutes before the mouse returned to eat them all.  He approached the other crumbs.
            “Quick, we have to get out of here before the mouse takes a fork to us!”
            “We can’t leave,” Chester the crumb piped up, “or else the mouse will eat our king!”
            “He’s trapped the king under a cereal bowl!” another crumb whispered.
            “Well maybe we can escape and save the king!”  We’ll have to act fast,” Bob urged his fellow crumbs.  “I have a plan.”
            Bob explained his plan to the other crumbs and they put it into action immediately.
            When the mouse returned five minutes later with more little crumbs in his grasp, everything appeared the same.
            “Time for tea and crumb-pets!”
            The mouse cackled at his own lame pun.  As he moved toward the corner to gobble up the crumbs, there was a sudden SNAP!  The mouse found himself trapped in the mousetrap that the crave crumbs had found and dragged into position only moments before.
            “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” screamed the mouse.
            “YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!” screamed the crumbs.
            And off they went to go free the king from his cereal bowl prison.  And that’s just what they did.  When they found the cereal bowl, they all worked together to tip it over and free the king.
            “Who do I have to thank for my freedom?” the king asked his crumb subjects.
            ”That would be Bob, your honor,” Chester explained, pointing at the heroic crumb. “He saved all of us.”
            “Wow Bob!” said the king, “You are a true hero.  I hope that you will serve by my side and protect all the crumbs from dangers like that evil mouse.”
            As the king mentioned the mouse, Bob remembered that they had left the mouse in the trap.
            “Excuse me, I have one thing left to do.”
            Bob scurried back to the mouse’s hole.  Bob entered the hole and approached the trapped mouse cautiously.
            “What are you going to do now?” the mouse sighed sadly.
            “I’m going to free you.”
            “What?” said the mouse.
            “WHAT?” said the crumbs, who had followed Bob.
            “What?!” said the king, shocked and surprised.  “Why would you free the mouse?  He tried to hurt us all!”
            “Well,” said Bob, “That is true, but only because he was hungry.”
            “That is true,” said the mouse, “I don’t know what else to eat.”
            Bob had an idea.
            “Perhaps we can come up with a solution.  We can free the mouse if he promises to only eat cheese and leave the crumbs alone.”
            Everyone agreed to this plan, for cheese was not alive.  The crumbs were happy, the mouse was happy, and Bob was happy.  And because of Bob’s heroic, worthy and clever actions, the king awarded him the Brave and Honorable Crumb award, which came with a medal.  They placed the huge medal around Bob’s neck, but because of his small size and the medal’s large size, he was nearly crushed.
            “Take it off!  Take it off!” Bob squeaked from under the medal.  Once he was free, Bob laughed.
            “I think this will fit on my shelf better than around my neck!”
            Everyone joined in laughing.
            “And that’s why the mouse always eats cheese,” announced Chester.
            “What?” said everyone else.

THE END.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 13: Community 3x10

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.


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Britta, the mute tree!


Community “Regional Holiday Music” 3x10

Although this episode doesn’t focus entirely on the celebration of the holidays, it’s Christmas spirit manages to shine through in song.  Because it’s a gleeful time of year- yes, that’s right, this is Community’s Glee spoof episode.  And a joyful one it is at that.  You want to know why?  Because, as Troy says, glee literally means…glee!  The episode features a number of fantastic, albeit much too short, musical numbers.  Some favorites include the Christmas infiltration rap, “Glee,” “Happy Birthday Jesus” (sing it Shirley!), and Britta’s awkward song.  This episode takes a silly look at the seriousness of glee club, as well as the joy that can come from holiday music, and the pain it can cause.  Literally.  Be careful about the next bus you take- Mr. Rad seems a little off his rocker.  And although this episode is fantastic in the musical numbers and soul sucking ability of glee club, it poses a question that many of us would love to have answered: what are regionals anyway?...

*Available on Hulu.com

Monday, December 12, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 12: Raising Hope 1x11


Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.

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Adorable baby Hope redefining her image as Baby Jesus
Raising Hope “Toy Story” 1x11

In this episode of Raising Hope, Jimmy and Burt try to make a little extra money selling the “it” toy of the year- “Baby Sneezes.”  This is a disgusting baby doll which produces snot (like I said, disgusting).  Virginia has her own Christmas plans, namely staring in the church live nativity as the Virgin Mary, with Hope playing baby Jesus.  Jimmy tries to save a Baby Sneezes doll for his daughter, but plans go awry.  The whole family put aside their own personal Christmas goals, however, in order to support Hope and erase the label she had been given in the community as a murderer’s daughter.  And as her grandmother says, Hope may be the best baby Jesus ever.  Except for baby Jesus… 

*Available on Netflix Instant

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 11: Community 2x11

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.

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The study group- animated!

Community “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas” 2x11

This is one of my all-time favorite Christmas-themed television episodes.  The whole thing is stop-motion animation (an ode to the Rankin/Bass Christmas specials, one of which is mentioned in the episode), as the whole study group is transformed into Winter Wonderland characters like Baller-Annie, Britta-Bot and Troy Soldier.  Abed starts to see the world through this whole new medium, after a sad Christmas event leaves him stunned, and determined to find the meaning of Christmas.  The study group takes a journey through Winter Wonderland on a group therapy session, as Duncan tries to figure out the cause of Abed’s troubles and write a book on it.  Although the rest of the group sees the world in a totally different way, they are willing to stand by their friend and help him defeat the evil Christmas Warlock.  Thank goodness for remote controlled, self-destructible pterodactyls!  The revamped theme song is fantastic, as is Troy and Abed’s moment in the tag where they explore the fun elements of the stop-motion medium.  And after the (still stop-motion) gang watches Rudolph together, there's a wonderful moment reflected on the TV screen.  Overall, a fantastic Christmas episode that nicely juxtaposes the joys and troubles that can both be found in the season.


*Showing on NBC Thurs, Dec 15, 8pm - check local listings.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 10: Scrubs 1x11

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.


(10)
Preach it Turk!

Scrubs “My Own Personal Jesus” 1x11

The interns, residents and nurses at Sacred Heart are having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit.  J.D. keeps accidentally taking down the Janitor’s Christmas decorations, Turk loses his faith when he sees all the people in the hospital on Christmas Eve, Elliot feels she let down a young pregnant girl and desperately tries to find and help her, Dr. Kelso is rude (as always), as of course are Dr. Cox and Jordan.  Everyone is trying to solve their Christmas problems, and by the end everyone finds what they are looking for, joined together under the Star of Bethlehem…or under the town’s Christmas tree.  After all the struggles of the day, J.D. and gang end the celebration on a happy note, with a “God bless us, everyone.”  At which point J.D. is called cheesy and everyone leaves…


Also great in this episode?  Turk's gospel choir moment in one of J.D.'s imagination sequences.


*Available on Netflix Instant

Friday, December 9, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 9: Bones 3x10

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.


(9)
...That's a lot of steamboats...

Bones “The Santa in the Slush” 3x9

This episode features a Christmas unlike any that Booth or Bones have seen before.  The case features a man named Kris Kringle who really seemed to believe he was Santa Claus, discovered dead by two elves.  The squints encounter a whole lot more Santas as they look for the killer, and the question soon becomes- was Kris Kringle killed by another Santa Claus? While trying to solve the case of who killed Santa Claus, both Booth and Bones run into trouble with their Christmas plans.  Booth doesn’t get custody of his son Parker for Christmas, and Brennan tries to organize a family Christmas celebration for her father and brother’s family.  And she will do anything to make that Christmas happen.  Even step under the mistletoe with an unsuspecting Booth.  And I sure hope that’s not how brothers and sisters kiss…  Anyway, Christmas works out in the end for everyone, and the episode ends with a very sweet gesture and a thoughtful Christmas tree.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 8: Parks and Recreation 4x10

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.


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Leslie fighting for PCP. 


Parks and Recreation “Citizen Knope” 4x10

This wonderful episode of Parks and Recreation shows just how awesome a gift-giver Leslie Knope is, as well as her inability to relax.  And knowing just how thoughtful and driven she is, neither comes as much of a surprise.  What does come as a nice surprise is the Parks and Recreation department’s (and Anne’s) gift to Leslie.  I won’t tell you what it is, but I will tell you that it’s awesome enough for Leslie to admit their win in the best gift-giver competition (she’s the only aware of this competition, btw).  While Leslie funnels her focus into PCP (don’t worry, it’s just Parks Committee of Pawnee), Ben tries to find a new job after he “resigned in disgrace.”  After some thought, and counseling from Jean-Ralphio (yes! He’s back!), Ben makes a surprising decision regarding his potential employment as an accountant at an accounting firm.  And Leslie moves on from PCP to LSD (again, it’s just Leslie’s Sorry Division, not drugs- this is Leslie Knope we’re talking about).  The episode ends on a wonderfully sweet note with Leslie’s friends presenting the aforementioned thoughtful gift, leaving Leslie in tears of joy.  Parks and Recreation can always be counted on to look at the little moments in life in an endearing way, and that’s just what happens in this sweet Christmas episode.  Also, don’t miss Jean-Ralphio’s circular walk-and-talk in the tag.  Oh Jean-Ralphio…

*Available on Hulu starting 12/09

My Bespectacled Week


One week.  One week is all is takes to get those shiny marks in the sides of your nose from the bridge of glasses.  One week is all it takes to develop a weird facial tic to scooch your glasses back up your nose.  Just one week to discover that if you wiggle your glasses up and down, it looks like an earthquake.  (Yeah.  It’s pretty cool).

As a long time wearer of contacts, I haven’t worn glasses for an extended period of time since…probably around 7th grade.  And this is for a reason- I can’t stand them (please picture Lina Lamont from Singin’ in the Rain saying that).  But unfortunately, due to circumstances totally beyond my control (I totally could have controlled it), I dropped one of my contacts, couldn’t find it, and didn’t have any access to new ones for a week.  And that week, was this one.  And this is my story.


Raindrops are falling on my head…and my lenses…
This is a tricky area to navigate with glasses.  If you don’t have an umbrella, a hat, or some sort of brim, you’re in trouble.  Rain on glasses is just as obstructing as rain on a windshield, except windshields have windshield wipers.  Glasses don’t.  The result are very smudgy and streaky lenses.  The way around this (besides inventing glasses wipers- and someone should get on that) is to use an umbrella.  The one downside of using an umbrella is that if you’re clumsy like me, you’ll probably hit yourself in the side of the glasses with it.  And this has a rather dramatic, slapstick-esque effect as the force of the umbrella knocks your whole head to the side.  Although annoying, I took comfort in the fact that I was probably amusing the passersby on the street with my unintentional physical comedy.  You’re welcome strangers.

Blinded by the light (please sing outloud. thanks.)
I originally got contacts in order to wear sunglasses.  As someone with very light eyes, it’s important to protect them from the sun, and no way was I going to get Transitions and walk around in a gray cloud everyday.  So the thing about that is, I don’t have any sunglasses option for when I’m wearing my glasses.  I don’t have prescription sunglasses because I’m normally wearing contacts and that would just mess with my eyes.  I don’t have sunglasses I can wear over my glasses because I never needed them.  So this whole past week, if I wasn’t dealing with rain-related mishaps, I was being blinded by the sun.  This goes for other lights as well- any light will reflect off of glasses and blind you a little bit.  Life’s definitely brighter when wearing glasses, though I don’t know if it’s a good thing…

Also, sunglasses are a perfect way to ignore people on the street- most specifically people who have clipboards and are trying to get you to pledge money.  So I lost my perfect avoidance mechanism.  Next thing you know I’m gonna be a platinum sponsor for Save the Trees or something…

I’ve been framed!
Seeing the world with glasses on is like looking out of a window- you can see the world clearly (unless you’ve got dirty windows, in which case, get on it), but only as far as the window frame will let you.  Same thing with glasses- you can see clearly in the lenses area, but look up, down, left, right and what you’ll see is the inside of your frames and a blurry world.  It looks kinda like this:

Note: this is what it looks like for me, because the inside of my glasses are yellow- so my world’s always bright with glasses on.
Another Note: You probably won’t see the world like this with glasses on, unless you’re actually by some mountains.  Seeing beautiful mountains are not an effect of wearing glasses.

Is it snowing?
When I wear my glasses for a full day usually it’s when I’m staying in my pajamas.  And this really only happens on snow days or sick days.  Besides that I’m usually up and at ‘em.  So sometimes long-term glasses wearing puts my in a weird state of mind, like it’s a sweatpants kind of day, where you can sit around and be  even lazier than usual.  If you see me out and about in sweats, please convince me to put real clothes on.  This is why glasses are dangerous, kids.  Stay far away.
...Alright, so they’re not really dangerous, but I’m sure some contact-wearers would agree that wearing glasses for long periods of time is unusual and puts them in a different frame of mind.  (Get it?  Get it? Frame of mind?  So punny right? …man, what is with my constant need for pun validation?...)

“I didn’t know you wore glasses!”
This is the response you get when you don’t normally wear glasses until one day, you do.  And my internal response is, “well, I don’t wear glasses…otherwise you would have seen me wear them…”  That’s the thing folks- if you see someone wearing glasses for the first time, it doesn’t mean they were hiding them from you, it means they probably weren’t wearing them previously.  This sudden change could be due to just getting glasses, normally wearing contacts, or getting fake glasses (like hipsters) and wearing them for fun- it’s probably not a scheme to keep you out of their glasses-wearing life.  So the next time someone says to me, “I didn’t know you wore glasses!” I’m going to reply, “Well, that’s because you’re not creeping around my apartment at night when I’m doing homework in bed.  You’ve passed the test.”
And they will have.

Note: I just made up this “test” on the spot- it does not exist.  I was lying when I said they would have passed the test.  Though it is a good idea.  I might implement it sometime in the future…

Focus.
I’ve found over this past week, that sometimes removing my ability to see the world (aka my glasses), is a great way to focus and get some work done.  I spent some time in the library with my glasses off, with my face right up near to my computer screen (yeah, probably not helping the poor vision situation…whoops), not being distracted by any other visuals.  

It’s like the equivalent of listening to white noise, except with your eyes.  When the only thing you can see is right in front of you, it’s pretty hard to get distracted by anything el- oh look, wifi!

Why yes, I am quite smart.  Um, indubitably.
The best reason to wear glasses?  You look smarter.  The other day I was rocking a blazer and my frames, and I looked like a (very young) businesswoman.  I’m pretty sure it’s a fact (it’s not a fact, I just made it up), that 89.4% of Americans think that those of us who are bespectacled are smarter than our frame-free counterparts.  I mean which one looks smarter:


Psych!  They’re both ME!  But with glasses I am more intellectual and impressive, albeit way nerdier…

Hindsight’s 20/20
Going into this week all I could think about was the fact that I had no candy in my apartment, and I was going to have to wear glasses for at least 7 days in a row.  Now I do have candy (yay! Snickers bar!) and I’ve worn glasses for 7 days in a row.  But it wasn’t all bad.  It’s fun to mix it up every once in a while.  Although my glasses-spots on my nose probably won’t go away for a couple days, they will serve as a nice reminder of my bespectacled week, and how cool glasses can be. 

That said, I can’t wait until I get my new contacts.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 7: Psych 2x10

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.

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"He's gonna shoot his eye out." "Yes he is."

Psych “Gus’ Dad May Have Killed an Old Guy” 2x10

Psych mixes murder and merriment in this Christmas episode, where Gus’ parents seem to be likely suspects for the murder of the old scrooge next door.  While the Gusters are trying to prove their innocence, Shawn is trying to prove to them his positive influence on Gus.  After all, Gus never took up smoking because as children Shawn once made him smoke a whole pack- see?  Good influence…  As Shawn and Gus try to clear Gus’ parents, they uncover the murder victim’s Rear Window-esque behavior, as well as a possible tell-tale heart.  The case is finally resolved through the use of Gus’ superpower- the super sniffer; a power apparently inherited from his parents.  Back at the station, Juliet is excited for her family’s Scottish Christmas traditions, that is until Lassiter comes over and aggressively takes over the kids’ crafts.  Although Juliet struggles to tell Lassie why he can’t come over for Christmas dinner, he lets her off the hook, having come to a very different conclusion about her reasoning.

Some of the best moments: Lassie's unique fear of snow globes, a Christmas-themed them song, and the holiday tradition that Shawn and his dad share.  Sometimes (always) Shawn’s brilliance takes me by surprise, and in the end of this episode, it surprises Henry too.  Maybe Shawn really is a psychic…


*Available on Netflix Instant

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 6: 30 Rock 5x10

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.


Another 30 Rock- for Forgetful Tuesday Double Day! (aka I forgot to post yesterday...whoops!)


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Avery and Liz on the same side of an argument- watch out Donaghy...
30 Rock “Christmas Attack Zone” 5x10

Happy Holidays!...is what terrorists say.  At least according to Jack and Avery.  This episode shows a very different side of Christmas than 30 Rock’s previous Christmas episode.  And yet it might be a lot closer to how some people spend the holiday…  Jack turns his Christmas dinner (Christmas dinner, not “holiday of lights”), into a Christmas Attack Zone, setting up the perfect elements for an explosion of hateful feelings.  Unfortunately Liz purposely neglected to spend Christmas with her family because of drama, and when she tries to put a halt to it she end up lost in the wing of Jack’s apartment designed by M.C. Escher.  Everything works out well enough in the end though, as Jack gets a whole new, and better, Christmas attack, Liz realizes that chaos of Christmas should be a family affair, and Tracy realizes that laughter is the best medicine, (aside from insulin, Spironolactone, and Bupropion - thanks Kenneth!)


*Available on Netflix Instant

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 5: 30 Rock 4x08

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.


(5)
Jenna's not a big fan of duets...unless her partner makes her look good.


30 Rock “Secret Santa” 4x08

YouFace, gender-blind production of The Crucible, Bah-ston accents, Verdukianism, rage stroke induced bloody noses, wonderful bomb threats.  Those are just some of the elements found in this episode of 30 Rock.  When Kenneth tries to do Secret Santa, Frank, Toofer and Lutz all pretend to be practicing Verdukians in order to evade the worst parts of Christmas: gift giving and rules.  This leads to Kenneth’s crisis of faith, as he looks at plain Santa doll and declares, “You’re just a Kenny Rogers doll now.”  In the meantime Liz and Jack decide to exchange gifts this year, as Jack reconnects with his high school crush, Nancy.  Although Liz is clearly the underdog as giving gifts (especially free ones- unless you’d be interested in a picture of a turtle?), she manages to step it up in time to make Jack’s Christmas.  A fast-paced, funny and festive episode, which takes a nice look at what gifts are really the most important to give.


*Available on Netflix Instant

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 4: The Office 2x10

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.


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Jim's thoughtful gift may be repurposed as a neti pot...


The Office “Christmas Party” 2x10

A Secret Santa gift exchange turns into a Yankee swap in this episode of The Office.  Once Michael realizes that he’s not going to get a gift nearly as good as the one he gave, he changes up the party to suit his desires.  Some of the office workers give thoughtful and personalized gifts, such as Jim’s teapot stuffed with inside jokes for Pam, and others whip something together at the last minute, like Creed’s old shirt that he grabbed from his closet and shoved in a plastic bag.  It’s the office as usual, with mix-ups and mayhem as people try to get the coveted iPod in the mix of gifts.  Luckily most of the conflict is sorted out by the end, or at least is forgotten about once Michael breaks the rules and serves some “Christmas Spirit, as in spirits,” and some sweet gifts end up back where they belong.  Oh, and to end the episode Meredith flashes Michael.  Yeah, that’s a little awkward.


*Available on Netflix Instant

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 3: The Dick Van Dyke Show 3x12

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.


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Laura and Rob, The Dancing Santas


The Dick Van Dyke Show “The Alan Brady Show Presents” 3x12

Today we’re going old school with an episode from the wonderful 60s sitcom, The Dick Van Dyke Show.  This show focuses on Rob Petrie (Dick Van Dyke) and his work as head writer at (the fictional) The Alan Brady Show, as well as his home life with his wife Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) and his son Richie.

When The Alan Brady Show decides to make the holiday episode more heartwarming, and ignores Sally’s suggestion (“If you want heart warmth just eat a large pizza before you go to bed!”), they decide to have the writers and their families.  Although it seems that at first Rob Petrie isn’t going to be able to handle the pressure of network television, it soon becomes apparent that he’s just as comfortable on television as he is performing at parties.  The writing staff, as well as Laura, Richie and Mel all perform a variety of different musical numbers- some of the best being Rob and Laura’s jazzy Santa duet of “I Have Everything But You” and the group performance of “I Am a Fine Musician.”  Due to the premise of the episode it has a very classic early television variety show feel, and is impressively hilarious almost 50 years later.  A great episode to watch with family and enjoy.


*Available on Netflix Instant

Friday, December 2, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 2: HIMYM 2x11

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.


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Lily the Grinch stole Christmas...and brought it to her apartment.


How I Met Your Mother “How Lily Stole Christmas” 2x11

This Christmas-themed episode of How I Met Your Mother pays homage to the classic holiday movie, A Christmas Story.  As Lily puts the final touches on “Christmas Eve Winter Wonderland” (according to Marshall), her and Ted listen to an old message where Ted calls her a Grinch.  Except he doesn’t actually say “Grinch”…  The episode follows Ted and Lily’s relationship as they both try to move on from Lily’s San Francisco jaunt, while the subplot shows Barney’s nose “overflowing with awesomeness” as Robin nurses him back to health.  Both Ted and Lily struggle with forgiveness in time to spend Christmas together as a “family” of sorts.  And the whole time Marshall’s off in his own world, playing Santa as he helps a postman deliver last minute packages.  A classic episode of HIMYM with plenty of sparkly lights, sweet moments, and silly jokes.  What you won’t find are Sinfully Cinnamon Cookies…I’m looking at you Robin…


*Available on Netflix Instant

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Christma-Tele-Kwanz-Ukah-Vision Day 1: Bones 1x09

Happy Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision everybody!  This is my celebration of the holiday season through television- one holiday-themed episode a day all the way until Christmas (and for the most part the episodes will be Christmas based.  I've yet to see a kwanza television episode, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open).  Enjoy the spirit of the holidays through the medium of television- make yourself a cup of hot coco, snuggle up in a blanket and immerse yourself in the season.

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Brennan checks out a skull while Angela the Elf tries to get in the spirit.

Bones “The Man in the Fallout Shelter” 1x09

The first day of Christma-tele-kwanz-ukah-vision happens to fall on a Thursday, which Bones fans know is Bones day!  And by that I just mean that Bones happens to air on Thursdays (9pm Fox, check it out).  Anyway, in honor of this fact I decided to kick off CTKUV with a Christmas themed Bones episode.

This episode, “The Man in the Fallout Shelter” focuses on Brennan and the gang trying to solve a decades-old murder while quarantined in the lab.  No one is particularly happy about being stuck in the lab for Christmas, but they band together as a make-shift family to celebrate anyway.  In solving the murder the squints, and Booth, uncover a complicated love story, which turns into a Christmas gift for some, and which causes Brennan to confront her own family history regarding Christmas.  A solid episode overall, and a nice way to combine character development and some Christmas spirit.  Oh and Booth gets slightly stoned off a preventative vaccination and sees sparkly lights for a while.  Check it out.


*Available on Netflix Instant  

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Fictional Tweets


What some fictional characters might have said had they access to the great social network of twitter...


@kansasgurl; the road is yellow.  and that’s about as normal as it gets here… #newbfisscarecrow

@downtherabbithole: idk what that caterpillar was smoking, but there’s no way this is real life…

@cinders24-7: has anyone found a slipper?  glass?  size 7 ½? #shouldhavewornflats

@brains&beauty: apparently instead of books or heat, castles just have dancing dinnerware… #whoknew

@blondieintwr: need rope or ladder.  bad headache.

@luvlostboyz: listen @foreveryoung, everyone has to grow up sometime #getoverit

@daddyslilprincess: yummy royal feast with @beckster - who says it’s just an attic?

@callmescout: i knew nothing good would come from dressing up like a ham… #longnight

@matilda: i can officially move things with my eyes. #testme #dareyou #waittilyouseemyprincipal

@redhoodie: met a wolf transvestite today…yep, it was as weird as it sounds #truestory #dressedlikegranny

@halfpint: i feel like moving from a house made of trees to a house made of dirt is a bit of a downgrade… #reallyparents? #sodhouses #prairiessuck

@lilmissmarch: sorry @laurie…I just don’t feel the same way… #awkward #bffproposals #sorryboutit

Friday, October 7, 2011

The Office: "The Lotto" Recap


“The Lotto” - not a very ensemble-heavy episode, focusing mostly on the struggle between Andy and Darryl, and the adventures of a few office workers in the warehouse.  This episode gets a little serious, as Darryl mopes around, discontent with the direction his life has taken.  And although not everyone is given a lot of screen time in this episode, almost everyone has a great one-liner/talking head, from Toby’s “Flenderson Files,” to Angela continuing the pregnancy rivalry and estimating Pam’s new baby will weigh 14 pounds.  Overall a good episode with a little too much of the A storyline and few great standout moments.
Grade: B

Señor Loadenstein in action

RECAP (Warning: Contains Will Spoil. Read With Caution)
This weeks The Office starts with a solid stand alone cold open, with some members of the office taking a stand for animals rights. Well, kind of.  The Dunder Mifflin employees find a dog left in a car in the parking lot, and try to save it.  Dwight is the first who feels the call to action, and dumps his milkshake into the car through the sunroof in order to provide sustenance and hydration.  Surprisingly, the dog doesn’t seem that interested by the shake.  Oscar really takes charge of the situation- furious at the car owner and dog owner, he smashes the window of the car.  Although when Jim reminds him that someone has to take the dog, otherwise it will jump out the open window, Oscar makes a brand new plan.  It involves taping cardboard over the broken window and poking holes in it.  Everyone is satisfied with the plan (that leaves the dog in just about the same situation) and heads inside.  Oh, except for Kevin who went to sit in his car to test how long it would take for the dog to die.  And is still sitting there, passed out against the horn.
So, to the main focus of the episode- the warehouse crew won the lottery and quit.  This means a couple of things: everyone’s imagining what they would do with the money, Darryl’s in a bad place because he’s no longer in the warehouse pool…and there are no warehouse workers.  Up in the office everyone talks about what they would do with the money (instead of working, you know, to actually make money…).  Jim has a fantasy of building a little house in Maine, and living a simple life.  Pam’s fantasy is a little different, involving living in a city to get inspiration for her art, and drinking flavored coffees that her husband brings to her out on her balcony.  Their “lotto dream” functions as the C storyline for the episode, ending with a compromise that sounds like something from a Dr. Seuss book.  In order to stop the lottery discussion Andy threatens to change his tone.  Literally.  And talk lower, like Mr. T.  Apparently his management tactic is to annoy his employees into working.  Who knows- it seemed to work with Michael Scott…
            Upon realizing that no one is going to be hired for the warehouse anytime soon, Andy sends down some office volunteers to get out a shipment to an important client of Phyllis’.  The team consists of Erin, Jim, Dwight (as soon as Jim boasts that he’s the strongest), and Kevin, who complains that he is always volunteered for everything.  They’re down there for most of the episode, trying to figure out the best way to move boxes after Dwight crashes the forklift.
            Meanwhile, up in the office Andy is struggling with Darryl.  Darryl has turned into the self-proclaimed “fat Darryl,” who eats tacos in his basement, alone, and who just wants to be fired.  The misfit team of Andy, who knows basically nothing about the warehouse (“Masters in Warehouse Sciences?”), and Darryl, who has spiraled into a not-winning-the-lottery/not-getting-a-promotion depression, try to hire new warehouse workers while one of the applicants eats Stanley’s lunch.  Andy finds some people on his own, the most jacked guy in Scranton, a PhD candidate studying blue-collar workers, and a random guy who doesn’t technically have a hearing problem.  Andy confronts Darryl about his lack of enthusiasm and he finally admits that he’s made about not getting made Regional Manager.  Darryl feels that he’s earned it and he wants Andy to give him his own job, which he refuses to do (apparently Darryl’s not as smooth a talker as Robert California who convinced Jo Bennett to do that exact same thing).  Andy reminds Darryl that he was promoted from the warehouse when he was taking initiative, and then he stopped doing that.
            One of the best moments in the episode comes right near the end, after Darryl finally snaps out of his funk and goes with Andy to check on the warehouse.  What he finds is a little unexpected.  Or at least, it would be unexpected if you didn’t know Kevin, Erin and Dwight.  Jim is also a part of the ridiculous hilarity, though he’s a little more hesitant to reveal “Señor Loadenstein” to Darryl and Andy.  This temporary warehouse crew figures out a new system of moving boxes (because they couldn’t find/work the correct machines).  This system is called Señor Loadenstein because, as Jim sheepishly admits,  “es muy rapido.”  It involves greasing the floor, lining the grease with boxes already destroyed by the grease, putting Erin on a makeshift wooden sled behind four boxes and having Dwight and Jim pull the contraption with ropes while running on the outside of the boxes.  Needless to say, Phyllis lost her client.
            The tag includes Jim and Pam’s final plan regarding their future lottery winnings.  It’s “city and country combined” and involves living in a brownstone at the top of a mountain, just a subway stop away from all the best museums in the world, and Jim could fish from Pam’s pottery studio.  And most importantly they could chat anytime they want, “just like now.”  Also, the schools are terrible, “but what are you gonna do about that?”

Quotes:
-       “Stop- I’m a barista in your fantasy?” (Jim) “Well in your fantasy we’re Steven King characters.” (Pam)
-       “I guess I would keep working.  And for my salary I’d take like, a dollar a year.  I mean, obviously I wouldn’t come in ‘til noon, and I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want to do…I mean I’m getting paid a dollar a year, you can chill.” -Kelly on what she would do if she won the lottery
-       “I did have a fantastic basement.  Now it smells like tacos.  You can’t air out a basement.  And taco air is heavy.  It settles at the lowest point.” -Darryl, who has settled about as low as taco air…
-       “I’ve never been lucky.  And I’m not talking about the lottery, I’m talking about developing a soy allergy at 35.  Who gets a soy allergy at 35?!  And why is soy in everything?” -Darryl still in a bad mental place
-       “You need to drop it, ok?  They hate it.  I like it a lot, but they hate it, so drop it.” -Erin gets really intense while trying to convince Kevin to drop his idea of buttering himself and sliding across the floor
-       “Hey, idiot, what did Erin want again?” (Dwight) “A…hot chocolate tea.” (Jim) -a subtle, but clear, indication of Erin’s quirkiness
-       “My future is not gonna be determined by seven little white lotto balls.  It’s gonna be determined by two big black balls.  I control my destiny.  I do.” - Darryl, finally getting it together

Fun Lil Tidbits:
-       Pam behind the receptionist desk again!  Although she was excited to move on from being the receptionist, it feels natural to see her back there.  As Ryan says, “Nice- right back where I like you.”
-       It was interesting to see Oscar’s talking head where he gushes over the most jacked guys in Scranton- one of the few times the show highlights the fact he’s gay.  What I learned from this?  Apparently if you fixate too much on your calves, your triceps go to hell.

Monday, September 26, 2011

How I Met Your Mother: "Ducky Tie" Recap


“Ducky Tie”
Lily triumphs after distracting Barney

Like every episode of How I Met Your Mother, “Ducky Tie” played with time, bouncing back and forth between the gang out for dinner and Ted’s night playing dishwasher for Victoria.  Most of the comments at dinner revolved around Lily’s pregnancy boobs and most of the Victoria-Ted conversation focused on what could have been, and why it wasn’t.
            The gang started at the bar, as per usual, and after spending the whole cold open commenting on/getting distracted by Lily’s pregnancy boobs, they decide to head out to the hibachi grill.  Well, everyone except Barney who only acquiesces when he couldn’t NOT look at Lily’s boobs for 10 seconds.  And yes, Lily’s boobs are a big focus of the episode.  Pun kind of intended.
At the hibachi restaurant Barney mocks the chef performing the “dinner-tainment” (Marshall’s term), resulting in a bet that he can’t do all the little tricks that the hibachi chef can do.  The terms?  Barney can hold both of Lily’s boobs for a minute if he wins (and one squeeze), and has to wear Marshall’s garish and titular ducky tie for a year, should he lose.  This episode features Lily’s superb negotiation skills, stemming from her experience as Slap Bet Commissioner for the past several years.  As the dinner continues Marshall realizes that Barney has conducted a sort of Pavlov’s dogs experiment with him, sneezing every time he mentioned the restaurant until a sneeze from Barney could trigger the thought.  Barney laid his plan ages ago, just waiting until he wanted something from Marshall.  For this reason Barney had also taken six months of hibachi training at a school in Hoboken.  Although, when Barney offers to let Lily out of the bet for just a 30 second peek at her boobs in the alley (yep, just as sketchy as it sounds), Marshall begins to suspect that’s what he wanted all along and that Barney does not, in fact, possess hibachi skills.  Between the gang putting together Barney’s sneaky plan, Robin and Ted tell the story of Victoria: The Return.
            In the last episode, “The Naked Truth,” Ted bumped into Victoria at the Architect’s Ball where she was providing the cupcakes.  Ted tells the gang how cool, calm and collected he was when he saw her, while Robin recounts him bumbling around like Charlie Chaplin’s The Tramp.  That is until Robin comes in and saves the day!...by reminding Victoria how she stole her boyfriend and then making a noticeably awkward exit.  Ted still feels guilt over cheating on Victoria, and offers to head back to her bakery and wash her dishes.  As they talk about the old times, and the gang senses a good night was had by all (even bringing back the bang song, “bang, bang, bangity bang….etc.), Victoria reveals she’s going to get married.  Well, no, she’s technically not engaged yet, but she found the ring in the sock drawer.  Yep, her finance-to-be has a drawer entirely dedicated to socks, and Ted’s both impressed and envious.  After a little bit of wordplay with Victoria getting close to Klaus from her class, Ted and Victoria lean in for the drumroll/pre-kiss moment…but then actually kiss.  They both quickly acknowledge that the kiss shouldn’t have happened, and Ted brings Victoria to her bus, to watch her leave again.  He asks her what she thinks would have happened if he stopped her from getting on that plane to Germany, or if he got on it with her, but when she asks if he really wants to know, he doesn’t press it.  They say goodbye and Victoria boards the bus.
            Back at the restaurant everyone finds out that Barney does, in fact, know all the tricks, even the onion volcano.  But as he goes for the “Shrimp in the Pocket” trick, Lily pulls out her secret weapon...or, ah, “weapons.”  Barney, due to the distraction, misses the shrimp.  As the gang ends up back at MacLaren’s, Barney gets stuck with the ducky tie.  Lily and Marshall leave, “quacking” jokes about they tie as they go, and Ted, Robin and Barney remain in the booth.  Ted reveals to his kids what actually happened as he said goodbye to Victoria, how she told him that Robin got in the way, of not only their relationship, but all of the relationships of the past six years.  Victoria warned Ted that the thing with him, Robin and Barney wasn’t working, and future Ted confirms that she was right, they just didn’t know it yet.

Well, if they first three episode are any indication, it looks like Marshall’s right, it’s gonna be a good year…

Quotes:
“Wow, you guys make it seem like I’ve dated a series of Stieg Larson novels.” -
“Lily, it’s like you have a butt on your chest.” -Ted
“I’m sorry pal, but the party going on in my wife’s sweater is a private event, and I’m the bouncer” (Marshall) “I think they’s the bouncers”- Robin, telling it like it is
“Oh, that reminds me, there’s this other restaurant we should try some time.  What they do is, they cook your meal, in a lil room called the kitchen.  What’s the name of tha- oh yeah, every other restaurant in New York City.” -Barney’s not in the mood for hibachi, again.
“Victoria, do you believe in fate?” (Ted) “I believe you’re about to give a big speech on fate-” (Victoria) “-Well I do.” -Ted, finally getting his belief back, and Victoria bracing for a Ted lecture…
“Lily!  Are you really suggesting that Barney spent six months commuting back and forth to Hoboken, to learn a signature cooking style of a restaurant he doesn’t even like, so he could win a bet he hadn’t even made yet?...Yeah, the whole thing stinks.” -Robin
“I let you wash my dishes! I said my oven needed cleaning!  I invited you to a porno!” -Victoria after the drumroll moment leads to a kiss
“I can think of one thing that’ll stop him.  Actually two things…” -Lily, about to whip out her secret weapons

Fun Lil Tidbits:
-       Barney’s really into hashtags now, ex. #burn #ducktieslams #stinsonrocks
-       The gang trying to guess which woman from Ted’s past he ran into- check out the promo clip (it’s extended) and see which women you remember http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLtu7UV8OUs
-       Victoria’s back!  Even though it appears to be just for this one episode, it’s nice to see one of Ted’s long lost girlfriends pop back up, and make him evaluate what he might be doing wrong.
-       Also, the bang song is back, which is so great I had to mention it twice.  Here’s a link to a clip of the original http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d6f9j7gAdY