Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Comedy Night or Why I’m Glad NBC’s in Last Place (The CW doesn’t count, obviously)



There’s nothing like failure to light a fire under the [CENSORED BY STANDARDS & PRACTICES] of network executives.  When you’re in last place, you really have nothing to lose.  In a race, for example, the person in last place might pull out the old Bullet Bill as a Hail Mary pass- of course by a race I mean Mario Kart, what else would I be talking about?

NBC is in last place in the networks rating game.  (Because we’re not counting the CW.  Let’s get that straight.)  This is good for two reasons.  First reason being that everybody likes an underdog.  And everybody likes Underdog, (though there is considerable debate about whether there were any merits to the live-action version).  Second reason is that NBC has shows that nobody else would bother to keep.  Their ratings are so low that they’ll still show programs like Community and the late Chuck, when other networks would have cancelled them before they even made it to a second season.

NBC’s last place position gives them the flexibility (read: horrendous ratings) to keep shows that only garner 4 million viewers, or less than 1.0 demo.   What passes on NBC wouldn’t last 3 episodes on a high rated network.  This means that smart shows can have life instead of being killed off like an unfortunate prostitute in the first 2 minutes of every procedural.

In the 90s NBC was in a similar situation as it fell ratings-wise among networks.  As a result the programming drastically shifted to include more specific programs targeted at individual “audiences” like cable, instead of “the audience” like earlier network television.  This “nothing left to lose” attitude led NBC to air shows like Hill Street Blues and Cheers, which are critically lauded years later.  Many of NBC’s critically acclaimed (and low-rated) shows nowadays also follow in this cable-inspired example of targeting an audience.  So while these shows may be reaching their middle-upper class educated audience, they are not reaching “the audience,” and thus “the” ratings.

Ratings can obviously inhibit networks from taking risks and improving programming.  Take CBS for example, the network of Xeroxed shows.  Once a show has success in the ratings it is copied and printed and put on the air under a new title.  This technique can be seen in both the comedies and dramas on the network.  This is not to say that CBS does not contain good programming, only that they are clearly restricted by ratings, and trying to stay successful under the current measurement of achievement.

Although Nielsen ratings should not have as much influence on TV as they do, it can sometimes be a good thing for fans of television.  Because while successful networks pump out more and more of the same thing, struggling networks are willing to put it all on the line and show programs that may only attract a specific demographic, and might never be a ratings hit.  These very same shows that are the bright lights of network primetime are often critically acclaimed and adored by the audience that they do reach.  Low network ratings give networks the chance to dress up as cable and try out some niche programming.

Although it would be nice to see a network that hosts many fantastic shows doing well, I am somewhat inclined to root against NBC at the moment.  If their overall ratings improve, a show like Parks and Recreation could suddenly meet a fate like that of Veronica Mars, ending without a true end, only to be seen weekdays during syndication.  Low ratings are a motivator.  They keep networks interested in creating attractive television that is imaginative, unique and well-written, instead of phoning in the same show with new names and faces.  When we force television networks to grab our attention, they pull out all the stops and dazzle us with fascinating characters, witty jokes, and strong storylines.

So for the right now I just hope that NBC stays where it is, at the bottom of the heap (remember, NOT counting the CW).  This way I can ensure that I have every Thursday I’ve still got my Comedy Night Done Right.  All night.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Selling Stories or Why CBS Is “Winning” (And Other Assorted Problems With TV)



I watch television for the same reason I read books- to hear stories, to watch characters, to be interested and entertained by their lives and their choices and their relationships.  Unfortunately, television doesn’t work like books do.  The industry is not designed to sell stories, it is designed to sell cars, Swiffers, beer, cell phones, yogurt and toilet paper, along with a host of other things.  In the business of television, the stories told within the shows are literally just the hook to get viewers to watch commercials.

And so TV is all about the ratings.  Because money from ads gets higher the more eyes are tuned into the ads.  So higher ratings = more money = winning, as Charlie Sheen might say.  Which is fairly appropriate, since his (old) network is currently “winning.”  They have got some killer shows (in terms of Nielsens, which I’m a bit skeptical about, but that’s discussion for another time), including: The Big Bang Theory, which competes against American Idol on Thursday nights and consistently holds its own; a number of procedurals such as CSI (and the other two CSIs), Criminal Minds, The Mentalist, and NCIS.

As a network, CBS seems to be falling into the same mindset of the three TV networks in the 60s and 70s, which is basically, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”  Television in the 1960s was mostly meaningless and stupid (not exclusively, but on the whole- for example there was a show called My Mother the Car, where a man’s mother is reincarnated, as an old junky car), and this crappy programming led Newton Minow to refer to television as a “vast wasteland.”

The wasteland of the 60s though, didn’t go anywhere fast, as TV viewership was pretty much at its peak.  TV was crappier than ever- and people across America were eating it up.  Since television success is measured in viewership, networks would end up making more shows that were just like the ones already raking in the ratings.  Well, not just like.  The policy was “completely new, exactly alike,” meaning that they took the basis of the show and tweaked it a little to become a whole new show.  Like when ABC had huge success with Bewitched, NBC went and created I Dream of Jeannie, which has pretty much the same premise.

This sort of thinking can be seen really clearly in CBS’ programming today.  Since television is about making money, they photocopy their shows that are making money, so they get even more shows that are making money.  This can be seen in the large number of procedurals (and really clearly in CSI, CSI: Miami, and CSI: NY), making up most of their drama programming, as well as the multi-cam “setup, punch line” sitcoms that are all too prevalent on the network.

Clearly something needs to change if the way success is measured in the television industry ends up perpetuating dull shows that bring in an audience, instead of fostering creative storytelling and character development.  Networks are often not willing to take creative risks, because they can make money comfortably with shows that are not particularly interesting or entertaining, but have huge numbers, such as Big Bang Theory’s 16.0 million viewers just last week.

Network television is constantly looking for big numbers, something that shows such as Community or Chuck could never hope to achieve.  And so shows like those two rarely survive (unless they’re on NBC, which sometimes just doesn’t have other options).  But just because they can’t get 14 million people to buy super strength paper towels doesn’t mean they don’t have clever storytelling devices or fascinating characters.

So the big question is- why do we structure TV around a commercial format?  Why is it about the number of people watching commercials and not the quality or entertainment value of television shows?  Should there be shift toward a new type of television programming?  I don’t know.  But I do know that if CBS is “winning,” something is clearly wrong. 

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Accepting New England: Cross Country Skiing and Why Everyone Would Enjoy It


Firstly, about this new column (and I’m just calling it that to pretend I’m fancy), “Accepting New England.”  There are a lot of little annoying things about living in New England, but instead of focusing on the bad (been there, done that), I figured I’d try to enjoy some of the good.  And surprisingly enough to, well, pretty much everyone, there are some cool things about living in New England, one of which is cross country skiing.

Since New England gets a decent amount of snow during the winter (approximately much more than some places and quite a bit less than others), it’s just something you deal with.  It’s cold, stays in parking lots until May and makes it hard to drive anywhere, but it also gives you snow days (yay!) and cross country skiing (double yay!).

(Little known fact: you can also dance and XC ski simultaneously)


Sometimes when I talk about my love for XC skiing people look at me like I’m crazy.  One, because I am crazy, and two, because it’s the opposite of cool.  Oh well.  Anyway, I think that mostly everyone would like XC skiing, and here’s why:
(to properly use the following information, search until you find the sentence that best describes you.  do not read any other sentences.  they are not for you.  nope, not even you, over there.)

-       for people who like to color within the lines - there are trails that have lines where your skis go, that way you’ll never venture off on a scary path, and you always know where you’re going,  Also, please don’t be afraid to color outside the lines- otherwise you’ll never be able to color in the sky, for goodness sake. (I would know, I thoroughly enjoy coloring in coloring books.  Sorry, moving on…)
-       for people who like to wear sporty athletic clothes - There are so many cute little exercise pants and colorful fleeces that you can wear while XC skiing.  Unlike downhill you don’t have to wear snow pants, so you can look cool and put together, and all that jazz.  And I’m super envious, because when I go skiing I look like this: 

-       for people who don’t like snow (like me) - XC skiing can give you a reason to appreciate snow, or at least to find something good that can come out of it.  This may reduce the frequency with which you hit your pillow when you wake up to a fresh blanket of snow.  Then again, I’m not going to promise anything…
-       for people who are allergic to snow - …sorry, I don’t think I can help you.  I’d suggest never trying it…I can’t imagine it would end well for you…
-       for people who like to and/or feel obligated to exercise - XC skiing can be great exercise, at least that’s what my leg muscles tell me the day after.  Then again, I may be a teeny bit out of shape…
-       for people who like acronyms - XC.  It’s short enough to text about.
-       for people who like yoga - while XC skiing you can easily end up in some sort of yoga position.  Is it intentional?  Usually not.  Is it still yoga?  Well…sure.  (Additional note: such strange positions can include splits, snow angel (face up), starfish (face down), pretzel, and a whole lot more.  Think “Twister” with skis and poles involved.  Yeah, it can get complicated fast.)
-       for people who never got to use ski poles - were you a beginner skier as a child who always wanted to use ski poles like all the big kids?  Me too!  We should talk, I think we’d be really good friends.  Also, you get to use ski poles for XC skiing, so that’s awesome.  You get to feel all grown-up and cool.  (Also, it’s impossible to ski without them…)
-       for people who are scared of heights - good news, XC skiing goes across the country, no ups and downs necessary.  This means no flying up to the top of a mountain in a scary metal contraption with sometimes nothing holding you in except a thin metal bar, and no skiing down what you thought was a gentle sloping hill at the bottom but from the top appears more like a cliff face.  You can literally ski across a flat open field as long as there’s snow.  (If there isn’t snow, you can still try, but I’m quite doubtful of any success).  Anyway, no need to go to high heights- now your friends can stop making fun of you for being scared to ski, and can start making fun of you for doing XC skiing.  Don’t worry- therapy helps.

If you didn’t find something above that describes you, please change yourself to fit an above description and then return to this page.